Rehoming Isn't Always Failure

 

The splodgy one supervising me working as a cheerful start

‘Arrogance and ignorance go hand in hand.’ Metallica, Holier Than Thou.

I’m going to be tackling a topic that many people can find difficult here, and it can be a real taboo topic in many places. It’s a subject that has become intensely personal to me since I encountered this situation for the first time last year. Today I want to talk about rehoming.

Every dog that has entered my life has stayed with me for life – or in the case of one working dog we had when we left the farm went to live and work on another farm with a relative, as she really loved to work. Until the one that didn’t.

We added a puppy into the family – well bred, healthy, raised fantastically by his breeders. The potential to be absolutely everything I hoped he would grow into. For the first couple of days, introducing him to our current dog went really well. And then, on the third day, it all went wrong. I’m not even entirely sure what had our older dog so spooked, as nothing had happened with the puppy, but he could not tolerate being in the same room as him. I think he’d have preferred to not be in the same house, he seemed so stressed.

If there had been 2 of us around for at least part of every day I think we would have got past it, but the reality is that the holiday time my husband had taken to get the introductions done safely was about to end. He works away all week, which meant I would be at home with both dogs by myself most of the time.

Finn is a complex boy, fearful and anxious. He can need a lot of support and reassurance and prefers to be with one of his people as much as possible.

A puppy needs a lot of time and patience when raising them, to give them the best start and to help them grow up into a happy and healthy adult dog.

There was just no way that I could adequately fulfil the needs of both of these dogs. If that incident hadn’t happened and the introductions had kept going nicely then it would have been ok, but there was just too much potential for fallout with just one person trying to manage them both. And if they couldn’t both stay, then there was no option but to rehome one. It was heart-breaking. The only thing I have encountered that was worse with any of my dogs is when we have said that final goodbye.

Because we had picked a good breeder, they took the puppy back without quibbling. A bold and confident puppy with good breeders had every chance of finding a good home.

There was never a question of rehoming Finn – he is such a complicated boy, and there are so few people he feels comfortable with, as hard as we work on introducing him to new people, because of his fears and anxieties.

The thing is, I’m an educated canine professional. I am one of the people who knows how to do this stuff. And yet it didn’t go to plan. I had to face up to the fact that I couldn’t make this home work for both dogs.

Many of the people I know were sympathetic and understanding and knew that I would not have taken this decision lightly. Others, including people I thought of as friends, were not.

People judged, and they judged hard. This is where that opening quote comes in. Because judging without knowing the full facts, especially if then talking about it to others, smacks of arrogance. If you haven’t been in that exact situation, with those people, and seen it all unfold, then passing judgement doesn’t make those people who have rehomed that dog a failure. It tells far more about the judgemental onlooker.

Yes, there are excuses for rehoming that just don’t wash. The people who dump the older dog, or the adolescent that they haven’t bothered to train so the dog doesn’t understand the rules. Not all rehomings are like that.

There seems also to be a massive arrogance around the idea that any home can be made to fit a certain dog, if we only work hard enough at it. I have issues with that. We can’t talk about the individuality of dogs and then in the next breath claim that any dog can fit in every home with enough work put in.

Having the ability to admit that actually you can’t meet the needs of a dog isn’t weak, and it isn’t giving up on that dog. As long as you ensure that where the dog goes to next will look after them and provide for all their needs (in my case back to the breeder, but this could equally mean surrender to a GOOD rescue/back to the rescue if the dog was adopted).

Sometimes rehoming is fairer on the dog. In my case, it was fairer on both dogs. My complex boy could return to feeling safe and happy in his home. The puppy could go on to a new home without the potential to be scared by Finn having a reaction towards him because he really wasn’t coping. Finn only has us here; he doesn’t have anywhere else to go that wouldn’t scare him with people he doesn’t know.

It broke my heart to take that puppy back. I still think of him all the time. He’d be heading into adolescence now, that time when my dogs have generally picked up the affectionate nickname of ‘asshat’ but I would have loved him. I did love him, even in only those few days. I cried more tears over that puppy than over anything except losing any of my previous dogs.

Despite what the people who judged me might say or think, I know I did the right thing. By BOTH dogs.

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I have started a new collaboration with the lovely Sally Gutteridge of Canine Principles. Anyone who has been to this page before knows how highly I rate their courses, and I was honoured in 2019 to be invited to join the tutor team there which I absolutely love doing. Sally and I have started a new site, aimed at helping people and their dogs to have the very best and most fulfilling relationships that they can. Come and find us at Good Guardianship!