The Privilege of Trust

I have talked before about how in some ways my reactive dog has been the best thing to ever happen to me. I owe my current career to a complicated, complex, sensitive soul, who has needed me to learn (and keep learning) as much as I possibly can about dogs. I have talked before also about the emotional impact that living with and loving a reactive dog can have, the things that become tricky because they take so much more thought. It’s safe to say that, over the course of my writing, I have mentioned both the ups and downs of life with a dog who needs so much more from the people around him.

Today I dropped Finn off at his Nan’s house to be spoilt for a bit by my mum and met up with a friend to go for a walk with her and her utterly adorable young spaniel. The weather here is absolutely stunning at the moment, and we had a lovely walk with Luna being an absolute star and looking like she was having a great time. I got back, collected Finn from my mum and came home.

Finn is what I call a FOMO dog – he is utterly convinced that anything we do that doesn’t involve him means he’s missing out on some fun – so, ever since we got home, he has been requesting fuss and cuddles. I know that would drive some people utterly crazy (if I’m honest, on days when I’m really busy it does get a bit wearing for me as well!) but today it inspired a new feeling in me. One of privilege.

My beautiful but bonkers canine comedian.

This dog finds many things about the world worrying. We have been working so hard for most of his life to help him feel better and he is improving all the time, but he still finds those things too much up close. He’s a Border Collie so being in control of things around him is very much his thing, and other people and dogs when we’re out he feels that he can’t control. We’re gradually shrinking that circle of space he needs before he starts to panic. And a large part of how we can manage to help him with that is what inspires this feeling of privilege in me.

He trusts us.

This dog who is scared by so many things trusts us to look out for him. If he spooks at something new that has turned up on a walk, he will now immediately go up and have a look because we have always encouraged him to check out new stuff, and he knows if we don’t stop him then it’s safe for him to go and explore whatever the new thing is. If we turn him away and say, ‘This way!’ he trusts that we are looking after him, that we have his back.

Living with a reactive dog is hard. It’s tiring, it’s emotionally draining. Those days when you encounter a ‘friendly’ dog (who are often rude and most often so are their humans) can really drag you down. But having one of these special, complicated, sensitive dogs trust you? Have them trust you enough to let you help them forge a better relationship with their world?

That is one of the biggest privileges I can possibly imagine. So as I sit on the sofa this evening, fulfilling the day’s most important job of pillow for a gently snoring collie dog, I am going to soak in that privilege and love my dog for who he is.

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You can learn more about my life with Finn and what living with him has taught me about reactive dogs at Good Guardianship with a recording of the live webinar and Q&A session I did in 2021, called Learning From My Reactive Dog. You can also learn more about reactive dogs in my books, Fight or Fright: A Reactive Dog Guardian's Handbook and the much more comprehensive Understanding Reactive Dogs: Why Dogs React & How to Help. Book links are to the UK Amazon store. 

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