Individuality. It's important.

The guest essay that I submitted to Dogs Today magazine has now been shared over 3000 times at the time of writing this. I'm beyond thrilled that the message is getting out to so many people that they are not alone, and that help and support is available for them, just as it is for their fearful dogs. I am rather bemused by some of the responses though, as I touched on in the blog entry 'Your experience is NOT my experience!' In these responses I have been told that I must put my dog on Prozac, must check out particular trainers, must do this, must do that.

I keep seeing this picture of my gorgeous boy all over the place!

I am always dubious when people start effusively recommending that I HAVE to contact a certain trainer. The global nature of the internet means that these people are often outside the UK but curiosity often drives me to check them out. I had a quick search online for the latest miracle worker and, sure enough, the very first thing I found from them was a video demonstrating the proper usage of prong and e-collars. The very last equipment that I am going to put on a scared dog!

I appreciate that many people that read the articles I write describing that awful lost feeling that I had in the beginning think that represents the place that Finn and I are in now, and they think they're offering help. Sadly, the trainers that some of them are pointing me in the direction of aren't offering help in the truest sense of the word. They are not even offering true behaviour modification. At best, they're teaching guardians how to suppress their dogs' behaviours and that is a very dangerous path to go down. Not only is the fear that the dog feels still in place, the dog will feel that they cannot turn to their guardian for support by communicating their discomfort early on. Instead, they will bottle it up for as long as they can until they can take no more. That never ends well for anyone, human or canine. Particularly for the canine involved.

Don't get me wrong, medication definitely has a place in the treatment of anxiety in some animals. It's not something I'm going to consider off the back of a comment on the internet from a person that doesn't know me, my dog, what techniques we've been working on, the progress we've made, or how the prescribing of medicines for animals may work in my country. It's something that would be embarked on after a consultation with my vet. We have actually already had the chemical help conversation, and my vet agrees with me that medicines are not indicated for Finn. He reacts to anything new and novel, but improves with repeated exposure. That means it's my job to introduce him to these new things in as calm a way as possible, and let him absorb and think about what he's seen by giving him time to chill out and relax afterwards.

The same goes for the person that stated I need to have his thyroid checked, because that sorted their dog out instantly. I'm pleased it worked for the person concerned, but that doesn't mean it's the answer for every single fearful, reactive dog out there. My stock advice for any behaviour change in a dog, whether that's reactivity based or not, is that they should have a check over by a vet. Dogs are by nature stoic. They don't show pain or illness if they can possibly avoid it. Being uncomfortable/in pain or feeling ill is going to have an effect on their mental and emotional state however, and that will have to show somewhere at some point. If in any doubt at all whether your dog is hurting or sick, consult a vet and at least then you can eliminate medical and health problems as causes.

Something else I've seen in the past day or two has really bothered me as well: the idea that nobody should ever rehome a dog because of reactivity. It's come up in a couple of comments, and it's something that I don't like to see.

Let me be clear - in my opinion, people that abandon dogs are scum. There was a heartbreaking video a few weeks ago of a dog being let out of a car and a toy thrown, then the complete arsehole got back in his car and went to drive away. The dog got back to the car before he moved off, and the confusion and distress was clear to see in that grainy video, and it was soul destroying to see. Happily for that dog, rescue came and I believe there have been several offers of homes. People that put their dogs into rescues for frivolous reasons are a little better in that they've made some effort to give the dog some sort of chance, but rescues all over the country are overflowing. In a lot of situations, just a little bit of work, training, management or compromise is needed to make it all come together, but these people can't be bothered. There are then the people that don't see any way to be able to keep their dog and are trying to give them the best chance. It's not ideal, but often is a highly charged emotional decision that they may well feel distraught about and, again, they are trying to give the dog a chance of a happy life.

Living with a reactive dog is hard. It's not something that most of us signed up for when we went looking for our canine family members. It's tiring and draining and emotionally incredibly difficult. Simply put, not everyone is cut out to be able to deal with it. I'm fortunate in that I can set my life up in a way that works for Finn. I don't have to put him in day care, or have a dog walker come in. I don't have to put him into situations he finds hard through lack of choice. There are many people that work outside of the home and so have restrictions that I just don't have. The triggers their dogs have might mean that the dog can't find peace properly, even at home. Grandparents whose dog starts to react to children, for one example. For the safety and mental health of all concerned, sometimes a well researched rehoming can be best for all concerned.

Here's what I wrote about rehoming in 'Fight or Fright?'*: 'A quick note on rehoming: this book is concentrating on the idea of working to improve the relationships and life for the fearful dog to be able to remain in his home with his guardians. There will doubtless be occasions when the guardian feels that, for whatever reason, they can no longer cope with the dog’s difficulties and surrender them to a rescue. So long as the dog’s well-being is safeguarded and they go to a responsible rescue, fosterer or new guardian, this is not a decision to be demonised. Living with a reactive dog is not easy by any means, and is not what the vast majority of dog guardians signed up for when bringing a furry family member into their homes. Changing the behaviour and mentality behind the reactivity is not a quick or easy process, and not something that every dog guardian will be able to follow through on without the emotional turbulence affecting them. Many that surrender their dogs in these circumstances feel bitter disappointment and grief at having to give up on their dog, but that they had no other choice. Again, so long as the dog is safe and well cared for that decision could be the best for all concerned, rather than both parties feeling worse as the problems intensify. If the guardian is unable to follow a behaviour modification programme that helps the dog there will be no improvement, and quite possibly the problem will become greater. In these cases, the guardian that realises this early on and rehomes the dog to a person or rescue that will be able to help the dog can only be praised for having the self-awareness and lack of ego to put the dog’s welfare above all else. It has to be stressed that the right rescue, rehoming centre or new home must be carefully researched and located. A good rescue will pair the reactive dog with a fosterer or new home that will be well placed to help the dog feel more secure with life.'

And so to the point of this article (at last, I know. I'm sorry, but this one has been tricky to write without heading off at tangents). Individuality. Every single person and dog is an individual, and needs to be treated as an individual. Everyone is different. Every person is different. Every dog is different. Every reactive dog's reactivity is going to be different. How they respond to any form of behaviour modification will be different. Some dogs will respond much faster than others, some will take much longer to show any kind of significant progress. It's important that we, the reactive dog guardians, come together to support each other and maybe offer thoughts and ideas. It's another thing entirely to proclaim that a guardian 'must' do this, that or the other. This is counter-productive, reductive of other guardians' experiences and knowledge, and shows little to no empathy. As reactive dog guardians, we know that empathy is one of the most important things that others can show us, to help us on our journey.

On the subject of empathy, a new feature has been added to the Blue Merle Minion Facebook page. We now have a group called 'Blue Merle Safe Space' and I invite you all to come and join this closed group. It's a place where we can gather to offer each other that empathy and support, have a vent about the bad days, celebrate the good days, and swap ideas and information on how we can make things easier for us and our fearful dogs.

*'Fight or Fright? A Reactive Dog Guardian's Handbook' is available on Amazon worldwide. The link here is to Amazon.co.uk but the book can be found in other Amazon stores by searching the title or author name (Jay Gurden).