What just happened? What do I do now?

It seems my last entry on here struck a chord with a lot of people who are or have been where I have been with Finn. I’ve had messages from people all over telling me that it made them cry as they recognised someone else going through the same thing, or in some cases realised that they aren’t actually alone. It can feel so very lonely at the other end of that lead, I know, and I’m so glad that I have been able to reach people and let them know that it’s ok, there are more of us out here than you realise and, most importantly, there is help and support for your dogs and, every bit as important, for YOU.

Following the response to that last blog, I want to spend a little time just talking about the support available, how to find it and some things to avoid. Where you should turn when you’ve got home from one of those difficult walks and you don’t know what on earth to do. That’s what this blog title relates to – not the reaction to the last entry, but that confused, lost feeling when your dog reacts to something for the first time.

When he looks at me like this, I can forgive everything 😍

In the time since I have had Finn, I have walked back in through that door after a walk experiencing just about every single emotion there is. There have been walks where he’s really engaged and listened to me and come past things that I know he finds difficult with very little attention paid to it and I utterly adore him. He really knows it on those days – all of us that have had our dogs for any length of time can recognise that happy expression when your dog knows that they’ve done well and that you’re really pleased with them. We have days where we’ve got through a walk, when nothing dramatic has happened but we’ve both been on edge. Sometimes he’ll just have one of his what I call thug days, where he just can’t settle and concentrate on me, not reacting as such but so over the top that things like loose lead walking are at best difficult for him. And of course there are the days it all goes horribly, terribly wrong. In Finn’s defence, most of these involve someone else’s impulse control failures and off lead dogs (something I have previously vented my spleen about – ‘Why loose dogs can be a problem’) but that doesn’t always stop the feelings of being a useless owner, angry that I can’t do something as simple as walk my dog without stress all round.

The first thing to remember, no matter how bad you feel after a disastrous walk, is not to be angry with your dog. No dog is reactive because they enjoy it! The behaviour is 'rewarding' because it makes the scary thing go away, but that doesn’t change the fact that the dog has been scared to the point of triggering the flight or fight response. In a previous entry I have mused on whether a change in language would help other people understand, but it’s something I remind myself of frequently as well – reactive dogs are fearful dogs. They do what they do because they are scared. Getting angry with them will just make things worse. Imagine being faced with something you are scared of, and then your loved ones start being obviously irritated with you when you express your discomfort. It will make you feel worse, right? It’s not always easy to do, but it really is important when working with your reactive dog to be clear of any negative emotions. Remember that your dog is incredibly sensitive, and it is quite likely that they can tell exactly how you are feeling. There is no pasting on a smile and fooling a dog that everything is fine! I have been through just about every emotion there is with my young dog and have learned to compartmentalise. The anger, frustration, sadness and all the other feelings I have are fully valid, and need to be expressed, if nothing else so that they are not allowed to fester and taint the time I spend with my dog.

Support is a huge issue for those of us with reactive dogs. I would go so far as to say support is vital. Being able to talk to people that understand the difficulties that come with living with a complicated dog is possibly more helpful than I can begin to describe. The lows can feel incredibly low on a bad day, and ‘ordinary’ dog owners just won’t get it. The same goes for those little victories on better days. There are things that Finn will do sometimes that 95% of dog owners would think nothing of but have me practically turning cartwheels, and knowing that there is a group of people that will understand and celebrate with me is a real lift.

There are a number of places to find support. As I’ve mentioned before, being in the UK Reactive Dogs UK group on Facebook was my lifeline in the beginning, and still a place that I spend a lot of time. They have a network of amazing trainers that volunteer their time to help and advise their members, and over 16,000 members. There is a massive amount of empathy and support, both moral and practical, there and if you are in the UK and have a reactive dog, I would highly recommend joining. The joining process takes a few minutes but it is really worth the effort.

If you are outside the UK there is an international Reactive Dogs group on Facebook, or you can try running a search as I have seen a number of different support groups available, some for specific areas. There will be a group somewhere that will be available for you to join and get some of that much needed support from the people that understand the struggles that we go through. There is also a lot of information available from an internet search, although caution does need to be exercised when following these links, making sure that the advice given is firmly rooted in positive reinforcement.

I mentioned a couple of people that tackle reactivity in the last entry, both of whom I encountered through Reactive Dogs (UK). Both Janet and Beverley have excellent websites with helpful resources to get you started on the journey of improving life for both you and your fearful dog. Both are highly experienced, force free trainers and their sites are well worth a look, including free courses to help you get started. Janet can be found at Canine Confidence Academy and Beverley at Brilliant Family Dog.

Some notes on trainers: if you feel completely overwhelmed at what is happening with your dog, or are in any way scared of what is happening, feel like it is beyond you to cope with or are concerned that you might not get things right with helping your dog, then it is time to contact a professional. The kind of professional help that you bring in to help a fearful dog is very important. I will always say that you should be choosing force free, positive reinforcement based trainers, but for working with a scared dog, this is of paramount importance. When considering a dog that is already having to deal with enough fear that he is reacting to an extreme extent, the very last thing that he will need is any kind of force, aversive or punishment based training. When selecting a trainer of behaviourist to work with your reactive dog, check them out thoroughly. If anything you see or hear makes you uneasy, move on and find someone else. Here in the UK, if you cannot find a good trainer via word of mouth or your reactive dog support network, I would recommend sourcing a trainer via the Institute of Modern Dog Trainers at their trainer search link. Trainers that are members of IMDT have to go through a program of courses and assessments, and abide by a Code of Ethics. Assessment is repeated every 2 years, ensuring that the trainers are completely up to date on training theory and methods.

There are resources available to help you help your fearful dog yourself. This is the path I chose to go down with Finn due to his issues with people he doesn’t know, and what essentially started me working towards training and behaviour as an interest and now starting to be a career. I will go into the options in a little more detail at some point in the future, but here are links to some reading on a couple of options to help you help your fearful dog:

CARE for Reactive Dogs is an excellent resource helping you to apply the concept of counter conditioning to help change your dog's emotional response to the things that scare him.

Grisha Stewart's Behaviour Adjustment Training is a great method centred around working towards the dog being able to make decisions about engagement. Here is a page with links to handouts with more details about the method.